White Trash Art

Postcards from the Mariana Trench of Lazy

It's been awhile, folks...

Courtney Love: conte crayon and gouache 9x9"

Turning Out Lindsay; gouache, ink 9x9"

Curacao Plein Air May 2012; watercolor, ink 9x9"

Zuckerberg; gouache, acrylic, 9x9"

White Trash Cooking Contest

I proposed a cooking competition to my fellow New Obsessives and a few noteable others, and was not disappointed with the response! Celebutante chef Gordon Ramsey was slated to judge, but he texted me that he was indisposed.

"Gordo" means "fat ass" in Spanish. Anyhoo:

Sherry DiscgolfGeek, founder of The White Trash Recipe Exchange, answered a few questions about her cooking repertoire and also shared a delicious recipe:

WTP:What is your favorite junk food product?
SD:Pork Skins with Chili and Limon, I can't live with out them.

WTP:Do you prefer salty or sugary snacks?
SD:Salty

WTP:If you had to choose between a box of fruit leather or a crate of Twinkies to sustain you during a month long period of forced isolation with only one food source, what would you choose and why?
SD:Twinkies, The perfect comfort food when alone, surgery, sponge cake, whip creamy, And a awesome way to get out of a murder sentence if your Dan White, the Guy who killed San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and County Supervisor Harvey Milk!

Contest Entry No. 1: Sheri's sublime recipe for trailer park goodness:
      Spam Frittata
      1/2 can of Spam diced
      1/2 medium sweet onion diced
      salt
      pepper
      dry or fresh oregano
      dry or fresh thyme
      dry or fresh basil
      4 eggs (beaten)
      3-4 slices provolone

Preheat oven to 350˚F
Lightly grease a 9-inch pie tin or skillet.
Mix together spam, onion, oregano, thyme, basil and egg. Season with a tiny pinch of salt and pepper. Pour the mixture into a skillet or pie tin.
Bake for 40 min. 5 min before taking it out, place the provolone slices on top.

Contest Entry No. 2: Gary Farrelly crafted this exquisite Banana Pineapple Ice Cream Claw:

Contest Entry No.3: The lovely Sophie Iremonger created a masterpiece of carnage: Foot Loaf

In honor of the Fuhrer's wedding to the lovely Tara Tonini last month, I contributed this Moon Pie Tower with Grandma's pills and spent shell vases. (This honorary entry is not eligible for voting)

I leave it up to the readership of The New Obsessive to choose the favorite, via the comment section of the page, with the winning contribution to be awarded via United States Postal Service, if they do not go out of business prior to end of voting which is SEPTEMBER 1st, 2011.

It Came From 1977

Left in a box for 10 years, sold at a garage sale. Left in a box for 10 years, sold on Ebay. Left in a box for 10 years, posted in a blog...

So several years ago I had this brilliant idea to start a greeting card company that featured awkward photos I bought in lots on Ebay and added smart-assed and ironic captions to. Like so many of my other super-awesome ideas, I didn't do any of the work and didn't fulfill my lifelong dream to be a thousandaire from my totally cool hip company that only caters to super-geniuses and creative megaminds. So, I didn't get my artist's loft in Soho that was one big giant room, littered with massive half-finished canvases and featuring some rad ass urban view like the posterior of a incandescently lit up advertising sign for Pall Malls. Alas.

They are labeled "7-30-77 Wedding Susan Beuder Ray Olson Trinity Lutheran Church Miriner (?) - Reception Church Basement."

If only I had dreamed up Awkward Family Photos at that point, I'd have been a thousandaire at least 2 times over. I hope they made it, Susan and Ray...

 

Schocking Abs, The GOP, and White Trash: Together At Last

I went to a Republican dinner to see Illinois congressman Aaron Schock speak last night... and guess what? He was signing autographs in front of: an original White Trash Peg mural at Capponi's restaurant in Toluca, Il! When my old man told me he got me a ticket to the event, I just thought, "Hoo hah free chicken dinner!" I never dreamed I'd be rubbing elbows with a Men's Health cover model.

Absinthe and Pop Rock Icebox Cookies

I got another wild hair to invent a really complicated and messed up recipe again. Much better than you think.

Happy Halloween!

1 vanilla bean, sliced lenthwise
2 tbsp Bay (Bai) Thoy (Pandan) extract, from Philipino, Vietnamese or Thai grocery store
2 tbsp absinthe
1 green tea bag

Heat liquids in small container for 10-15 sec in microwave.
Steep vanilla bean and tea bag in liquid while you prepare the dough.
Strain 1/4 cup of green maraschino cherries from their liquid and chop them finely. Reserve liquid.

2 sticks (1 cup) softened butter
1 c granulated sugar
1/4 c brown sugar

Cream in mixer bowl til fluffy. Add:

1 egg

Incorporate well. Strain tea bag and vanilla bean from absinthe mixture. Add liquid to dough. Also add:

1/4 c green maraschino cherry liquid and 1/4 c chopped cherries

Mix in until just incorporated:
1/2 c finely chopped Brazil nuts (chop in a cuisinart)
1 tsp baking soda
3 1/4 c sifted all purpose flour

Spread onto parchment paper or plastic wrap and (optional) add blue colored sugar for decoration. Shape into a log (however large you would like your cookie), covering dough with paper or plastic. Chill for at least 4 hours. Unwrap and slice into 1/4 in. slices. Place 2 in. apart on ungreased cookie sheet and bake at 375 for 8-10 min, or until edges start to brown.

If desired, make a batch of royal icing and dredge the rims in Pop Rocks.

Henri and Oscar would approve.
Green fairies. Green fairies.

What the hell are you supposed to be?

Every year I love to look at the online clearance bins of costume stores, and their puzzling array of poorly made plastic-ish, papery, bizarre "costumes"

"70's Preppy Adult" is either the love child of Shaggy and Fred from Scooby Doo or the president of the Hardy Boys Fan Club.

"PHDarling Adult Costume" :That is one smart ho.

"Pink Santa's Helper Adult Plus": Santa's saddest elf hoists her grab bag of Daddy issues for the whole world to see.

"Way High Patrolman Adult Costume" I must've missed this movie... or something?

"Major Trouble Teen Army Costume": Dad knew he was in 'major trouble' when they put his 7th grader on the pill "to regulate her period"

"Mary Child Winter Holiday Classics Costume" : She looks super chuffed about the costume Mom bought her for this year's heathen Pagan ritual 

 

 

 

Bat Guano and What It Can Do for YOU

pen, acrylic on vellum

for TNO

White Trash Road Trip, day 1

Day One: Welcome to Cornland

Started off the day with a flat tire, but it was all ok after that. GPS led me into Atlanta, IL - which has a giant fiberglass man from Cicero holding a massive wiener.

Totally enjoying my new(ish) convertible, but suffered a wicked sunburn by dusk

Rolled into Cornland, which is planning the big town garage sale

In Missouri, couldn't pass up the Mermac Caverns, and the creepy Jesse James statue out front

Caves are dark

Til someone installs a cheesy light show 

and a snack bar with fabulously bad portrait art

Finally, I went to some godforsaken Oklahoma back road to search for the Joplin Spook Light

 

White Trash Recipes and Horrid 60's Pies Added

Recent additions to ghosttraveller include:

The Slim Jim Test Kitchen

 

Seafoam Cantaloupe Pie and Fruit Cup Pie 

Dozens of new White Trash Recipes including Art's Bail Bond Beans, Crunchy Hot Doggities , Sally Feinstein's Rum Tum Ditty and more from a tome chock full o' white trash cookery: Recipes From the Heart, Baby Boomer's Edition, Sycamore, IL Voluntary Action Center charity cookbook.

 

More Big Fat Bacon

The bacon craze has evolved and morphed into new innovative uses of salty, smoky pork fat since I penned my last bacon tome: Big Fat Bacon. Bacon infused vodka and chocolate sea salt bacon ganache truffles have already gone to the land of sooooooo yesterday by in-the-know foodies.

New on the plate:

The in house butcher shop at Chicago's James Hotel sells freshly prepared bacon fat candles that can be lit, melted, and poured onto your favorite dish for consumption. The hotel's restaurant, David Burke's Primehouse, offers the candle as a extra fancy condiment to their steaks and scallops.

On the bacon technology forefront:

Never get popped with hot grease ever again with the incredibly myopic and single-purposed kitchen utensil - Fusion Silicon Finger Tongs. They look remarkably like a creature from Mystery Science Theater 3000, and allow you to stick you hands directly into boiling hot lard.

For a bit of pork overkill, go to Chicago's Theory for their bacon-wrapped ribs. For even more insane pork over kill, make a Pork Suicide Roll.

The cookbook Seduced by Bacon offers bacon porn aplenty. Also slathered in grease is Fat: An Appreciation of a Misunderstood Ingredient. For online bacon gratification, take a look at the varied bacon offerings from the city of Chicago alone. I mean, Chicago was the meat packing center of the universe after all.

Check out this angry vegan who has set up a site to vent about carnivores (Suicide Food), and has a special section for bacon.